u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
