and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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