i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
