My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
