I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
