wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
