gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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