Christians are straight up FREAKS
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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