Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is it because I queefed?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i dont even know how to be here
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
