Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
