I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
