You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
