and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize