Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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