The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
