how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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