So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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