she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
