Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sarcasm needs its own font
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize