my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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