stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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