90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
