If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
