You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
