Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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