I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
