the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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