my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
