It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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