some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
