I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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