brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
