the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
