Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
