I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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