You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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