When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
