unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
