I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
