As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
