That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
