She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
