its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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