and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
