So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
