I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
