i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
