I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
