dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
