there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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