How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize