I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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