apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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