Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
