I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she looked like the before picture.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
