"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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