He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
