I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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