when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize