i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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