you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
