if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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