are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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