No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
