I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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