This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
