I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
