So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
