my sisters under your porch take her home
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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