He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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