and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
