Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
