girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize