Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
