i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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