Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
