I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
