I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
