Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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