another moral hangover. fuck.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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