5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
