I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize