i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
