It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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