You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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