im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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