yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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