Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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