If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
